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i am back to space lalalalaaaaa...
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在不同的城市生活着....慢慢开始...我们都有属于自己的情人节了....
bore
boring boring...boring...
no class going on ...flip over all the magazine around the library.joking around the ppl who feel so exited today is the last day...chat...walk...sit....laugh....when does school become so nothing....how about my boddies ...still stugglling what college they'r wanna go ...where they should be...even what college can not work very well without he or her...and what they might fail to choose....
Now I realize the world are diverging from whatever they origenally be..
What if some day my body will begin to fight ...it will be a good new that my left part want to go right...my right part want to go left...they still bounce together as a result ...I still can do all the thing I want even I am boring like right now...but what if ..my left part want to go left ..my right part insist trun right....and neither part want to diel 911...so ...what I can be ....still alive?? so ..all right ..If someone see my left part are walking down the street look like losing spirit ghost ...or choosing some unfitted clothing for "half-myself" in the fancy store...please ..please do a favor ...give her your cell phone..either left the message to my another part ..."half-she"still safe or directly diel 911...
end...
but why I still feel boring boring boring....why I still sitting in the library..why why why ..
ok ...Rosy come...I gatta go...
感怀
学期就要结束了...几乎每一个大文豪都感怀过时间...
不代表我这个小人物不能叹口气...感叹..life s too short...
记得那时确定要来....老盼望着高二的期末考快过去...
boom....期末考完了....一转眼....人就已经在异国了....
还记得刚来两个月时...自己开心的想过..终于两个月过了,很快就一年了...
boom...10个月...就这么过完了...."终于"又收拾行李了...
就要漂泊去另个一地方了...就要再去熟悉...接受..融入了...
说不定...boom一下...下一个春秋会更加悄然的流走...那么不经意...
原来我还没找到工作....我就成船夫了......漂泊..靠岸...再漂泊...再靠岸....
盼望着上船的人..沿途的风光...感怀着船停泊的那个黄昏...
来的时候...头发才到肩..现在..妈妈兴奋的说,女儿第一次长那么长头发...居然不在我身边了....
做母亲的都那么慌忙而又期待着女儿的每个第一次....第一次说话..第一次走路..第一次叫妈妈..第一次懂拿筷子..第一次顶嘴...第一次吵架..第一次离开...
甚至第一次头发长了.....
我想在这个世界上..唯一的一个人....连我的一颦一笑都能兴奋和伤心....
那就是我妈妈...
刚过完一个"没"母亲的母亲节了...我没有流一滴眼泪...现在已经习惯不去胡乱感伤了....
再视频上狠狠的亲了妈妈一口....然后看这她流了一塌糊涂的眼泪....真是一个幸福的小女人....
女人头发长了...见识短了吗.....不知道......大概波....可以大胆假设..小心求证....
来的时候....带上新的"hot cat club"小笔袋...(谁想出这个公司的名..真是了不起)..现在...已经黑乎乎...
白纸上一堆黑点了...就一定没有人再认为纯洁了嘛...至少不能用在我的"hot cat"上...曾经在不经意间弄丢了"hot cat"...居然有人帮我找到....失而复得...应该更加珍惜...
来的时候....把那台"蓝雁"牌计算器带来了....现在...他已经粉身碎骨的躺在垃圾堆里了...为了这件事..我一直没有买计算器....可能为了悼念吧...
元老级的东西...一样有缘分尽的一天....需要缅怀吗....还是有些东西用久了...给自己找个借口去依赖呢....现在手头上有了一台新的了....老实说....真有点埋怨自己为什么不早点买....至少在这件事上...我知道自己只是在找借口....
来的时候怎样怎样...对于现在准备又要走的我....似乎很重要..但好像已经不重要了....
因为..要走的人...其实在另一个地方又会变成另一个"来的时候"了...
看完了一页书...最后一个字既是结尾...又是开端....
只是人难免会往后看看....特别在每一个交叉路口...
或者潇洒得"不带走一片云彩".或者做一个思索者
其实要怎么处理"往前走,往后看"...哪怕再怎么彷徨的人...其实心很早就有答案了...
因为有些东西已经被你的心整理了
需要带走的已经生了根..发了芽....
不需要带走的早变成那一点尘埃...悄悄的离开了...
record my every first time
I don't know what I wanna write down..how about...Something about what I have been though these months, what I had before, what I want in the future....
The first time I leave my parents.
The first time I saw my father hardly hold his tear;however, I did not cry at the airport. I want them to remenber a flesh-looking, happy, adorable daughter. I thought I never gonna cry, I thought I am a strong person.But not really...
The first place I land on is airport....a totally new country, at least for me, I was excited.... bookstore, coffee shop, little toy store, everything...I was sitting on the chair, watching the "new" ppl pass by, just like the first time I went to HK...that is a long time ago though.
Recall I saw my host at the first time. I told myself, there we go ...just like the person I imagine. I thought a lot before I officially meet her....After all, she is a nice person although we'd been though some unhappy thing between us, actually, between two different culture.
yes, I still think she is a nice lady. According to what she said, I am a talktive girl even though I have language prob. at the very beginning.
The first time I went to my school, not much different from what the movie show.
The first cry is when I talked to my parents at my birthday, my mon said,"I'd been though a hard time when you struggle to come out 17 years ago. I really happy to have you.But you still give me a hard time." How dare I tune on the PC camera. I can't....My tear could not help flowing out...My heart crushed thoroughly. Sorry mon...I have no idea what I can do now...I swear I never want you to be hurt. But life fool everyone. I love you.
The first time, I feel unsecure about my stable friendship...I forgot about when it happen...Nov. Jan. or Feb. ..whenever ...I gave a long-distance call to my good friend just like I used to do ...she did not pick it up...I called it forever,but no one response....she finally shut down the power....I was mad that time...I did not know what happen...I throwed my anger to her e-mail box....I check my e-mail all the time since then...After a weeks...I finally heared from her ....She told me what happen to her....The first time she was not brave enough to tell me her scord...After that,We are make out a promise....No matter what happen....It won't be ashame to tell.....we will stand out to support each other ever...How many 5 years a ppl can have? Not as many as you think...I keep it in my mind.....
The first depression period is in my host mon's mon's house....maybe coz the house located in the mount beside the cayon.. My bed face to the big window. In the morning, I looked at the whold bunch green tree under the sky, I cant not hept but think about how far I was from my parents. In the afternoon, I lay down, I want to take a nap. I look though the window. Lots of lots things, my good frinds, my family, just popped up. Maybe the wildopen circumstance make my have too much to think...i feel horrible in that vacation.
When I went bake to my daily routine in the small town. I told myself...It is no reason for me to look backwards...Something change dramatically in my life, not means I need to remember it every now and then what I had before. It is too tired to made a comparison and unnecessary. Something is just not on the track I plan it before, not means I need to blame myself. Otherwise,I gotta turn around, put something down a little while, go straight forward, settle down my mind. I gotta do it right away, I dont have choice....I am a tough girl....I want it, I mean it, I do it...that is me....
I feel like myself again....
I have tons of feeling......I can see I am growing ...I become more mature...more response for myself...more story reserve....
favor
I had a test in Sat., I should of said three test. After I got my first one done, we have a short 5 mins break. I want to go to the bathroom really bad, so I rushed out the test room,quickly walked down the long long hall way. Anther boy, who also took the test in the same room with me, kinda have the same situation as me. I mean I guess he was looking for the bath room too. He stood there thinking which way he should choose. I know what he was looking for. As long as he saw me, I point and told him"this way".
This was the first favor I gave yesterday.
After I finished the test. I felt really tired and sleepy. I slowly left the building. My mind was occupied by the test untill a girl,who has a brown skin, curly hair, 5'4"tal,l popped up in front of me.
"Can I talk to u a min" She kinda really exited.
"yeah..sure" I was confuse that time, I thought maybe some college student doing the survey or that kind of stuff. Luckily I was free that time. What I ganna do was just waiting for my mum to pick me up.
"Do you know where is this,"she point to the ceilling.
I look towards what she was pointting. My face got more puzzled.
"Oh, no,"she brust out laughing,"I mean where I am"
I used my brain, which was still thinking bio. phy. all kinda the useless stuff, to think what info. she really want to know. If she lost way, I never saw a person who got lost without crying; however,it just do not seem lilk that way.(^0^...because I have only seen the kids got lost with crying , snotting and whining where is my mon.hehe...) So I better just anwser what she asked. and I do so.
"Here? I guess it is morningside college, nothing special."
She laughed again. "I know, I saw the sign. Do you know how to get out of here?"
And she begin to told me how she got seperate with her father and her brother. Her fater need to took her little brother to the baseball game. This is the official first baseball game for her brother in his life. And ......After all, she is a really talktive girl.
That is good because as I said. I just waiting.
I felt sorry for her. "I am sorry, I am not living in this town either. I just come for the test. I told my mon to pick me up at 12:30. If you are not having a hurry. I guess we can just wait for her becouse she might give a right direction to you."
She get exited again. I mean more exited. "Oh, that is so nice. but now is 12:00"
We both laughed.
"Wait a min" It is my turn to get excited. I forgot I have a map printed out the day before the test day because my mon, the driver, need it.
And I pull the map out of the bag.
"See what I get" I kinda showy in front of her. I can see some spark in her eyes, just kidding.
And then she told me how she drove aroun the city but can hardly find the mall. She want to remember the map.
"you can have it."I said.
"Really, that is so nice of you. Are you sure you don't need this any more. "
"Yeah...hehe, It is awsome to meet you though"I said
We had a hug at the end of the conversation. She just so happy.
Honestly, I am so happy too.
That was the second favor I did.
The map, for me, was officially over because I really no longer use it, But for another people, it's life just begin. It is awsome when you give a hand to the people who have a awful day. It's not just about kindness. It is about two people with nothing to do with each other before can meet at the right time, right place. It is almost like a date, but it is arrange by fortune. you can give what you have, she or he can get what they want, kinda like a symbiotic relationship, but maybe sounds weird, but wahtever.....It do not require us to accomodate ourself to other peple. It just simple, nice to do it. Isn't it nice to do something like that. YES, IT IS.
What a nice day!
黑森林
黑夜里..
树林里..
昏暗的灯光刹那间闪现..
看不清拄灯人是谁..
昏沉中那灵光幽灵般远离...
我需要等待?
等待那盏我希望的明灯出现...
还是...
勇敢的尝试..
尝试我从未期待..
但却充满为知的冒险呢?
模糊中...
有人问我...
既然你没有想过最终的出路..
为什么甘心掉入深渊...
我回答..
如果知道你停下来的最后一步..
已是悬崖的尽头..
谁又想掉下去呢...
悬崖有时就把自己修饰的那么平坦...
怎么掉下来的..
我已经记不得..也不重要了..
漆黑的寂寞..
冷风萧条
到底想不想..要不要..拖着疲惫的身子..
跟着那黑衣人走出这片黑森林...
这是唯一的出路
还是...
有人会在经过这里...
但睁开眼好好看这片荒芜...
我在痴人说梦吗??
光晕在远离中继续缩小...
到底..
走还是留?!
"化蚕"
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蚕爬着爬着,在不知不觉中蜕变化堞
鱼游着游着,在游历中从小溪进入大海
人走着走着,随着时间走出自己的天空
动物跟植物最大的区别就是---动
那天在走回家的路上... 看着路边的景色...那树..那景..那路..那人.. 可以用心花怒放形容我当时的心情... 可以用蹦蹦跳跳形容我自己当时的动作... 突然跳的角度大于90度..愣了一下... 在我继续移动的时候...我发现一切动的方向变了... 当每天都在观察着在我前方的事物时...来一个回马枪... 世界原来可以如此不同... 但差距和眼光原来如此遥远....
以前以为自己看到了"我眼前的世界..." 现在发现我被字面上的眼"前"迷惑了... 前在这个意义上有"前"有"后"... 惊喜的发现以前看到的"一"片景色...其实仅仅是"半"片而已... 有些伤感我失去了一些...但更多的一份愉悦... 我能够看到从今往后走在我人生路上另一半天空
默默的提醒自己...我在动..世界在动..人生在动..... 别忘了...别忘了好好想想往哪动..怎么动... 动的方向决定了很多很多..... 也许是一个世界...眼中的世界....
蝴蝶有没有想过为什么她不能"化蚕"呢? |
春.醒
当我噶面庞被春天温柔噶雨水浸润噶时候.....意识到春天到了....
今日踩住单车...去邮局签收邮件..突然间落起左小雨....呢排都好忙...测验.考试.演讲.写稿...原来自己忽略左好多身边悄悄变化噶事物...
抬头睇下呢个自己陌生噶春天...好靓..真系好靓...
我系一个好中意树噶人...惊叹呢个渐渐熟悉噶陌生国度原来有住另我着迷噶景色...
忙碌中悄悄打个屯...
生气时悄悄霖下开心噶事/噶人...
郁闷时悄悄稳一片另类噶宁静...
人...其实....需要睡与醒...需要寻找与寻味...需要探索与分享....
有时..台头...不仅系一个动作...
其实...更多噶...系一种释放....
蜕变
之前真系几晤开心.....好委屈....
大肚能撑船...都古唔到自己讲呢句话诠释得甘好...或者出到离首先要学噶...就系...忍...
记得马英九系竞选台湾市长噶时候...讲过一句...小不忍则乱大谋...可能真谛真噶会被人供奉噶挂...
连我自己都觉得自己...长大了...
个个系妈妈怀抱里边撒娇噶女孩的稚气...已经慢慢在历练中脱去....
春天到了...树苗长出来了....
模糊
早上睁开眼想看到的是什么，打开窗想听到的是什么，推开门想知道的是什么，我到底需要什么，追求什么．突然会在某一个瞬间迷茫．．．稍纵即逝的影像，现在真的记不起了；回头看那段青葱岁月，模糊的笑脸后面的故事仿佛已经淡忘；曾经在身边陪伴的人，有的也已经悄悄的逃离了自己历史的舞台．．以自己为圆心划一个圆，圆代表了我所拥有的记忆，我慢慢的感觉到圆的边界在慢慢的模糊，消淡，在我迷茫的那一瞬间，是否在担心我一天圆的半径会变成零呢．．．人的曾经拥有跟执着最终还是底不过时间的雕琢，在一生就要终结的那天，又有多少人计算得出一生发生过的所有呢．．这重要吗？
上帝跟我最亲的人--其实是一伙的
有一天,上帝对我说,你有罪,我会给与你惩罚,你身边所有你所爱的东西,你所珍惜的人,将不会在陪你走下去.
然后,突然有一天醒来,发现上帝并不喜欢开玩笑,最亲的人跟我说,你长大了,以后世界是你的了,我们在没有能里和力气陪你走下去了,去吧.坚强走下去.
上帝嘲笑我,谁跟你开玩笑.
我心想,对啊,这种玩笑谁会开得起呢.但是!你不是上帝吗?!
这么说,真的没有人给我保证以后的路了,连上帝都不能.谁能? 我吗?
你能给我一个限期吗?!6年可以吗?! 白纸黑字的写下六年,可以吗?!
不行!! 最亲的人对我说
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